Aaye yaad teri aaye

This song describes the WAITING period that I am going through at the moment so vividly, that I wanted to make an attempt in translating the Hindi lyrics into English.



Ek pal mein kya se kya hua jadoo sa kya chala
What happened within a momentary span, what (witchy) black magic
tujh se juda hua toh aaj khud se juda hua
the moment I separated from you, I feel like I am separated from myself
ek pal mein kya se kya hua jadoo sa kya chala
what happened within a momentary span, what (witchy) black magic
tujh se juda hua toh aaj khud se juda hua
the moment I separated from you, I feel like I am separated from myself
aaye yaad teri aaye, jaaye jaan bhi na jaaye
neither do your memories stop tormenting me, nor does my life leave me
aaye yaad teri aaye, jaaye jaan bhi na jaaye
neither do your memories stop tormenting me, nor does my life leave me

Soona soona sa hai mausam, ojhal si shaam hai
The ambience seems dull, the evening appears obscure
tanha tanha sa har rasta, tanha makaam hai
every path I choose reminds me of the unquenched thirst, even the goal appears parched
gumsum gumsum si lagti hai aayi hai jo hawa
this breeze seems so silent and brings in a feeling of melancholy with it
chupke chupke sabse chupke rota hai aasmaan
hiding from everybody, even the vast sky seems to be grieving
bejaan dhadkane meri aankhon mein hai duaa
my heart beats seem lifeless, eyes full of hope and prayer
tujh se juda hua toh aaj khud se juda hua
the moment I separated from you, I feel like I am separated from myself
aaye yaad teri aaye, jaaye jaan bhi na jaaye
neither do your memories stop tormenting me, nor does my life leave me

Kisne soncha tha aisa bhi aayega ek din
Who would have expected that there would be such a day
khali khaali honge har palchin tere bin
all these moments of my life without you, are so lonesome, so incomplete
bechaini hai betaabi hai dil hai bujha bujha
restless and impatient heart seems close to be extinguished
maara maara deewaano sa phirta yahan wahan
lifeless, like a wearied seeker, raving around
saansein ruki ruki hai meri khamosh hai sada
breath seems stifled, to the point of cessation
tujh se juda hua toh aaj khud se juda hua
the moment I separated from you, I feel like I am separated from myself
aaye yaad teri aaye, jaaye jaan bhi na jaaye
neither do your memories stop tormenting me, nor does my life leave me

Ek pal mein kya se kya hua jadoo sa kya chala
What happened within a momentary span, what (witchy) black magic
tujh se juda hua toh aaj khud se juda hua
the moment I separated from you, I feel like I am separated from myself
aaye yaad teri aaye, jaaye jaan bhi na jaaye
neither do your memories stop tormenting me, nor does my life leave me.



Acknowledgements :
Hindi lyrics taken from: http://www.gr8lyrics.com/en/songs/Aaye%20Yaad%20Teri%20Aaye.html
Song Name: Aaye Yaad Teri Aaye
Album Name: Ugly Aur Pagli
Singer Name: Mohit Chauhan
Lyricist Name: Amitabh Varma
Music Director: Anu Malik

The face of my dream

"Not bad" said she!

Hai dard phaila hai zakhm gehra - Ada

This is a song I heard recently, and it vibrantly resonates with what is on my mind at the moment, which is the reason why I am attempting to translate the Hindi lyrics into English.




Hai dard phaila, hai zakhm gehra
The pain is spread wide, the hurt is very deep
kyon door tak hai, tehra andhera
why has the darkness enwrapped everything in sight
hai yeh dhundh, yeh dhundh kaisi kaisa hai kohra
Oh, this mist, this haze, how has this fog formed (and...)
khoya kyon aaine mein usska chehra, aaine mein usska chehra
how did it make me lose sight of her face in the mirror


Neend royi raat raat jaan woh judaa ho gayi
It is like life has been separated from me, I had been crying nights and nights
raat royi raat raat jaan woh khafa ho gayi
I cry for the want of my life which has distanced itself from me
aankhon mein aansuoon ka hai pehra, aansuoon ka hai pehra
in my eyes, there is always a flood waiting to break free


yeh tapish na jaayegi naa yeh khalish jaayegi
this fire for you would never extinguish, neither does my anxiety to reach you, which burns me
dard ki aaghosh mein har khushi khamosh hai
pain has me in its vicious grip, and every happiness is throttled as a result
dikhta nahi dhua dhua hai yeh chehra dhua dhua hai yeh chehra
in the ensuing blurriness, I can not see her face, I miss seeing her face


Kahan ho tum kaha ho, chale aao jahan ho woh yaadein yaad aati hai
where are you, where are you, Whaley? Come to me at once, wherever you are. I keep reminiscing those memories
Kahan ho tum kaha ho, teri yaadein rulati hai
where are you, where are you, Whaley? Your memories, your absence make me wade in the depths of sorrow
aajaao teri yaadon ne ghera, teri yaadon ne ghera
please come back to me, I am deluged with your thoughts, I feel embosomed with your thoughts


Hai dard phaila, hai zakhm gehra
The pain is spread wide, the hurt is very deep
kyoon door tak hai, tehra andhera
why has the darkness enwrapped everything in sight
hai yeh dhundh, yeh dhundh kaisi kaisa hai kohra
Oh, this mist, this haze, how has this fog formed (and...)
Khoya kyon aaine mein usska chehra aaine mein usska chehra
how did it make me lose sight of her face in the mirror


Acknowledgements :
Hindi lyrics taken from: http://lyricsmasti.blogspot.com/2008/06/hai-dard-phaila-hai-zakhm-gehra-ada.html
Song Name: Hai Dard Phaila Hai Zakhm Gehra
Album Name: Ada
Singer Names: Udit Narayan,
Lyricist Name: Nusrat Badr
Music Director: A R Rahman

Wallpaper

Here's my computer's current Wall Paper (to download, right click on the image and click 'Save link as'. Or, to set as the wallpaper on your machine, choose 'Set as desktop background' ) :

O Foolish Puppet

(Image taken from: http://junkyliving.blogspot.com/2006/07/puppet-tear-master.html)

Why do you cry, O foolish puppet,
you are just meant to play,
you are not meant to think,
you are meant to entertain,
just are to follow directions.

The one who created the dumb you,
has the power to mercilessly hurt you,
and He would do that many a time,
if it amuses Him to see you hurt,
justice is not applicable to you.

Your tears count next to nothing,
they move no one, expect no help.
Wipe off the wetness on your cheeks,
just move, O puppet, keep dancing,
make your master happy, amuse Him.

The Story Of S And P - Part X The End

Not many words can express the conclusion part of this story as this picture of a dying, decaying face of a once jovial and energetic joker.

The Story Of S And P - Part IX Turbulence

P's mind is a metropolis of confusion. He loves S, and awaits her eagerly. He has all kinds of feelings for her, and wants to share all about his life and all his future with her. He is deeply interested in her, and asks her multitude of questions each time they meet, in order to know more about her, and understand her so he can love her better. On the other hand, S is in a state of doubt still, and although much better now, still the interest she shows in him is just minimal. That is a cause of worry for him. What is assuring to P is the fact that he believes is true - that S has never lied to him, and never will. Besides it, the fact that she is showing the slight inclination towards him via acts of meeting him everyday gets a smug smile of contention on his face.

All these extreme variations in emotions and the attachment makes S a completely different being to what he was before. He becomes too sentimental, cries often now, for the silliest of reasons like when S does not meet him, worries a lot when he thinks she is maybe not feeling well - while this is at P's end, S from her side does not give him a reason for her absence, still does not open up to him, keeps her distance. P tries a new channel of communication and calls her up in order to talk. But, S shows hesitation, and later reluctance to talk. S is totally unsure if he is doing the right thing, if he is maybe doing something wrong, if he has to change something about himself or the circumstance, whether he is supposed to say something that he has not, and she is expecting, et cetra. S's thoughts lead him into pondering on extremes - on whether he has made the right decision at all in the first place when he decided on S as the girl for her.

S only gives P divided attention when P talks with utmost earnestness while under the impression that he has S's full attention. Overall, S's reaction to all the actions P takes is only tepid, and only makes the extreme thoughts in P's mind to consolidate. P wants to fight them away, get rid of them totally, but he can do nothing without S's help. The demons rise their ugly head and P tries to fight valiantly, because there is not another option if he wants to protect the relationship. At the same time, he knows he can only ward the demons off for a while if he battles alone. He desperately needs S to be by his side so he can take a decisive stand against the demons.

(To be completed... Nobody knows the future - only the past and the present as it is uncovered.)

The Story Of S And P - Part VIII - The Indecision

As usual, fate had some sinister plans in mind for P, and he faces some of the worst obstacles in life, stumbles and gets injured. P thinks he should not ever contact or enter into S's life again, lest bad may befall her. One day, S inadvertently finds P in the village of Y. Then, one after the other, P tells S the truth about what happened to him, and S feels sympathetic. P does not know if it is just a genuine concern for someone she considers a friend, or whether it is because of the love for P in her heart, S decides to talk to P on a daily basis.

Even since the time they had this conversation about love, P has always thought maybe, S has feelings of love towards him, but is not expressing them. As the proximity between them dwindled, for the first time, S shows a couple of signs to P, which prove beyond doubt that she is actually experiencing the beginnings of a crumble on her stony walled heart. P does not want S to make haste and thus make a mistake. He wants her to take her time, and make a decision that she thinks is wise. Until she becomes his, whatever decisions she takes are hers, and she is the one who should own up the responsibility for them - although, decisions in partnership with P would be joint decisions. So, as far as the decision to choose P as a partner is concerned, it would be an individual decision by S.

The Story Of S And P - Part VII - The Hiccup and the High Spirits

One day, it almost seemed to be another last session before a gap would set in between them. A little before this, P develops a few negative feelings about S, and whatever S does that seems peculiar, or the things that S did before that he did not fully understand then, were all oozing answers when seen through this lens. P does not tell S about this, and wants to part on a friendly tone, not after having a spat. So, P tells S that he is leaving, but characteristic of her, again out of nowhere, she pops in an innocent question that launches a deluge of idea exchanges. They had been building up the silence, and it had been building pressure in their minds - the silence and mis-communication led them to form ideas that are not really true. P was under the impression that S treated him just as a friend, and nothing more than that. He came to think that she is a steel hearted being. He thinks that it isn't like an iceberg that can be melted just like his.

P had plans to advance his career, and to achieve that, he would have had to be away from the village of VM for quite a while. That prospect saddened him, now that his communication with S was going in a full swing - especially rejuvenated after the clearing of misgivings. Until this while, P only met S in the village of VM, and nowhere else, though she visits another village called Y which is more easily accessible to her, and yet another village called 'Mob' which is just an arm's distance away to her from accessing. So, he requests her addresses, and she was only happy that he asked her.

The communication that followed was really a flood. They kept on talking, trying to build up where they left off, clearing misunderstandings that have arisen out of all the silence. Yet again, P finds that S is still the same granite heart, but this time, he also comes to understand the way towards light. He analyses that to reach his goal which he now thinks is difficult, but not impossible, it would take molten lava, in the form of patience, understanding and time to get into her heart. It is that hope that drives him now.

The Story Of S And P - Part VI - The Surprise

Then, one fine day, when the deep orange sun shined bright on P's luck, for some inexplicable reason, out of the blue, S makes a one to one conversation with him. P was stunned by the pleasant surprise, and still does not know why she did that on that day, having known that they have not done it since the last time they both talked about love. The meeting was again magic. Time just flowed away while they talked - just like before. Both of them were careful enough to avoid the topic that brought the time gap between them. However, the gap that set in conjoined with the avoidance of some important topics led them to have a slightly misinformed opinions. There should have been somebody here who should have reminded them that "Non dialogue is a sure shot way of forming unfounded assumptions, which would lead to split in path for foolish and wrong reasons".

The Story Of S And P - Part V - The Hiatus and Reunion

Unable to bear the shock, he decides to make another serious attempt to build up the iceberg, and quits the village of VM. P spends a long time, with turmoils in his mind, the sadness lingering on, the jolt being very damaging. Its the longing to be back to talk with the mirthful S, that made him get back to the village of VM a couple of months later, though the visits were strictly infrequent. S shows surprise and piquancy that P has left the village, as if she was in love with him, and that he should not have left it like that so suddenly. P remembers telling S that he would leave, but he does not make any comment then. P's thoughts about the affinity between him and S were not wrong, afterall. The minor discord between them died down pretty quickly, and they became the same old friends again, merrily talking about nothing in particular, making fun of one another, calling each other names, having fun, but restricted themselves to the public meetings, amidst everyone.

The Story Of S And P - Part IV - Problems

But, fate had different plans for beleaguered P. He comes to know that his expectations were all wrong, and his readings of S were all miscalculated. The response given by S first stuns P before the sting started hurting him bad, because he was not expecting it to turn that way. He was sincere, honest, and committed in his approach, but there is an issue of physical height difference between the two, and it is not usual in the community that the female in the couple is taller than the male. P is aware of that, but then he only comes to know about it after the iceberg melted fully, and there was no going back even because of this fact coming into light. And then, there is the issue of the impossibility in the village of VM that there can be no touching, which is so essential because nobody would be able to settle in the village of VM, and everybody would settle in the big city called R. P was aware of this one too, but he thought that since their mental compatibility is strong, the affinity between them would aid them in making adjustments to themselves and would help them overcome life's problems. The response S gave to P was not only shocking to him, but also VERY vague and spoken out of hesitancy and indecision.

The Story Of S And P - Part III - The Proposal

Since they shared such a good understanding, displayed mental compatibility, respected each other's natures, and that they enjoyed each other's company, he was under the impression that maybe S was having the same kind of feelings towards him, but was just feeling shy to tell him. When none of his efforts to stifle himself worked, he decides to tell S about the true feelings in his heart, and see what she thinks about it. He was actually expecting her to say 'I love you too, dude! What took you so long to tell this to me?'.

The Story Of S And P - Part II - The Meltdown

The village is surrounded by lots of Chinese Dragons, called Problems. They were external, and are named Pr1, Pr2, Pr3, etc. One sad day, A disappears. P and S are sorrowful, and get together to discuss the crisis. They start making plans and discuss strategies using the various means of communication available to launch a massive search for their friend, and P comes to know that a Chinese Dragon called Pr2 abducted A. P tries different means to rescue/help A, but the help is refused.

Somehow, all the efforts to find A, and the solidarity in the time of crisis have made P and S to get more closer. That was the point, some time during the nine months after that, was when the 'iceberg' in him started to melt, and started giving way to feelings of love towards the lovely S. Since A is a mutual friend, P wanted desperately to get into touch and discuss about the feelings he has for S. He wanted to seek advice, because A is both knowledgeable and is wise, besides being a mutual friend. This story would have been a lot different if A was around.

In contrast to P, S is made of a solid, stone heart - this he realises only much later, to his chagrin. P gets frantic at the unexpected development of feelings within himself, and plagued with the absence of a trusted friend who would have been the best to advise him in the circumstances, he makes serious attempts at keeping himself in check. As a part of that, he tries killing off a few of his own avatars that he used to communicate with S. When nothing worked, he was aware that he was fighting a losing battle. His only option was to give in and go ahead with this melted heart. He knew that the going would be steeply uphill, and the ascent would be very hard.

The Story Of S And P - Part I - Happy Lives

Not very long ago, in a village called VM, there lived a boy called P and a girl called S. S was living in VM for some time now when P joins it. P and S have always had an affinity to one another, since the time they met first. They tallied in opinions, had an understanding that had always been growing with time, and have always shared a light hearted banter, either at one another's expense or at the expense of somebody or something. They always smiled, and spread the smiles around.

The village VM is a peculiar place. The villagers can see each other, chat with each other, talk , have fun and share experiences, but they can not touch one another. It is an impossibility there.

Then another villager called A joins, who becomes a friend of both S and P. A is a very lively person, and was close to both. The feeling was mutual; both S and P love A, and they all had lots of moments of togetherness to treasure. The village also had lots of people that were either bad by disposition, lecherous, sadistic, abusive or malignant. They are all named B1, B2, B3, B4 etc. These three people, along with a few other good villagers have taken a stand against the B's, and had more fun, isolating them and frustrating them. That got them closer. It was actually their inherent natures that got them even more closer.

P was of the opinion that marriage is for losers, and S agreed on it. A always made fun of P because he did not show much interest in the other sex. A used to call P, an 'iceberg' for being cold when it comes to emotions. P used to make variations to A's name and make fun, while comparing S to something huge. S in turn, being very jovial in character never minded anything, but hurled the delicate cutlery after finishing another of the large course meals whenever she is made fun of.